A Change of Perspective On Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is by far my favorite holiday of the year. I like Christmas too, but there's always so much hustle and bustle that it wears me out. The kids love Christmas and so it is fun to decorate and count down the days and enjoy their excitement. But Thanksgiving is all about returning to our roots and spending a day being thankful. A little food, family, friends and football don't hurt either. This Thanksgiving, I got a change of perspective.

I lost my dad in June. We buried him on Father's Day weekend (after he had a stroke on Mother's Day). I knew that Thanksgiving wouldn't be the same, and it's the first major holiday that normally we would have been together. Things definitely changed after I got married (for the better, obviously) but the holidays are still usually celebrated with parents. Earlier this week I came home from running some errands and just sitting in my truck for about 5 minutes thinking about Thursday. I knew it would be tough, and I knew it would be difficult to go to my Uncle Maurie's house, his only brother. This is most likely what we would have done had he not passed just like every other year. We still planned on going to my uncle's, but it was with a heavy heart. I've only seen my aunt and uncle and my cousins once since the funeral. Little did we know that things would be drastically different this year...but for a different reason.

Jenn wasn't feeling well all morning. She really wanted to make a homemade apple pie to take to my side of the family for lunch and another one for her side of the family for dinner. I remember looking at her, as she was sitting at the table hunched over, and slowly peeling an apple. She didn't look well, and she said she felt horrible. It was bad enough by mid-morning that I asked her if she wanted to stay home. She said no, that she didn't want to mess up Thanksgiving with our family. By the time we got to my uncles, a half an hour away, she could barely move. Her stomach was aching and she ended up not eating anything and laying down in the back of our suburban. After lunch I checked on her and she said she couldn't get comfortable. After about 20 minutes, she came back inside and at that point I knew something was wrong. I asked her a few questions and as everybody listened in, I told her I thought it was a possible appendicitis (she said it didn't feel like an ovarian cyst, which she's had in the past). Everyone agreed, and my mom kept the kids, and I drove her car (let's just say rapidly) to the ER. Thankfully (no pun intended) there was NO ONE in the ER. Waiting room was empty, and after checking in and going through triage, we were immediately taken back to a room to be evaluated by the medical staff. Her urinalysis was negative and the blood work was inconclusive, and so a sonogram was ordered. It indicated no abnormalities with the reproductive organs, so a CT scan was ordered. The CT scan showed an appendicitis, which hadn't ruptured yet, thank goodness. The surgeon came in for a consultation and by 7:00 pm she was on the operating table. We had gotten to the ER at 1:30 pm.

My whole perspective has changed. I am thankful for the (very) quick meal I had for lunch. I'm thankful I got to watch football all afternoon and evening in the ER and waiting room. I'm thankful for my family and Jenn's mom who kept me company during the surgery (or I kept her company). I'm thankful for all of our friends that sent awesome messages via facebook and text messaging. But you want to know the thing that stuck out to me the most? As Jenn was being wheeled into the OR, we held hands and had a chance to pray together. It was short and to the point. When we said amen, everyone in the area had stopped, and the nurse pushing Jenn's bed said "amen" with us. At that point I knew. I knew the Lord was watching over us. The Lord still cared, and my wife, my babydoll, was in His hands. He orchestrated the whole day. This certainly wasn't the day that I asked for or what I initially wanted, but somehow this was apart of His plan. How can I complain about my awesome and incredible Jesus? How can I be saddened that MY plans didn't pan out? How can I in any way question God? His ways are so much higher than my ways. His thoughts are so much higher than my thoughts.

The day after the surgery, Jenn told me that God spoke to her. He told her to "Slow down." She's been working non-stop on her jewelry business. It's been good for the business, but tough on all of us. The Lord was getting her attention, just like when he got mine when I had my accident. His exact words to me, even before my car slowed down were, "Mark, you need to slow down." It was perfectly clear. He's getting our attention, He's calling our name, and He's wanting us to slow down. "Mark and Jenn, you need to slow down. Listen to my voice. And have a clarity of perspective." What am I absolutely thankful for this year? My God. He saved my wife from further harm and He called our names, again. 

"I am yours, Lord. Do with me whatever you choose."

Economic Game Theory

We are all presented with choices and the tendency is to focus on the self and gratifying the selfish desire. The Lord has been teaching me to think of others first, but it's just so contradictory to the natural man. My context as an only child only deepened my selfish ambitions. When I started dating Jennifer (she's the only girl that I seriously dated) it quickly dawned on me that I am inherently full of self. Learning to think of her and then to think more highly of her was a difficult journey. To say that I'm still on the journey is an accurate assessment of my current position. The Lord keeps speaking to me though and I want to instill in my children certain values and close to the top of that list is "otherness." Learning to think of others, serve others, and to see through other's eyes. I want my children to be like Christ, and take the lowly road as needed.

I know the following dialog that I had with Mady is considered economic game theory, but I put Madalyn through a test to address her perspective.

She helped out at MCC today with Operation Christmas Child and she ran some "boring" errands with me to the bank and the post office. I stopped off at the gas station to fill up our SUV and she asked me for some "Bug Juice." It's this very sweet, sugary drink that's like Kool-Aid on steroids. The kids love them and our local gas station carries them. They are a special treat for the kids. I decided to teach Mady a lesson.

I told her that she could have the Bug Juice if she was willing to give 2/3 of her juice to Sam and Hannah. She didn't like this idea at all. She said she wanted her own juice and she wanted all of it. I went on to explain that she would still get quite a bit of juice, but the right decision would also benefit Sam and Hannah, as they would be recipients of Bug Juice. She told me she wanted her own drink. I told her that my was my offer and it was final, and as I closed the truck door, I told her to think about it, and let me know her decision. If she wasn't willing to share, I wasn't willing to get her a juice at all.

After about 30 seconds, she opened up the door and said that she wanted to share. I told her that I was proud of her, and her decision not only blessed her, but also blessed her brother and sister. When we went in, I actually got 2 juices for them (they're pretty small) explaining that God blesses those that seek to bless others. When we got home, her brother and sister were ecstatic that they got some. I had them all sit down and I explained that because Mady was willing to share, even though she got a little less, they were the recipients of her selflessness. 

"Lord, continue to help me think of others, like Christ did." 

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 1 Peter 4:10

Trip planned and update

I continue to be amazed at the goodness of God. Jennifer and I have been asking for confirmation regarding God's timing. We heard back from BMI and it looks as though I will be heading to SA Feb 14-26. I have been granted time off from work. I'm very excited about the trip and asking the Lord for confirmation on His will. If he wants us to move there, we are willing. If he wants us to stay, we will stay. But we are certainly sensing the call of God. If we don't go, who will? It's been 10 years since Meadowbrook Community Church has sent out a full time career missionary. If we don't go, who will? If God has spoken to us, and he has, what objections can I have? Life is too short, we only live once and we want our life to matter. It certainly has significance here in Champaign, and we are involved in many ministries, but at this point, we now consider them preparatory work for the missions field. Not everyone is called, but if you are...go.

My shoulder continues to progress rapidly. I have the "Big Bertha" sling off now and I started Physical Therapy at the Carle North Annex last Monday. Initially, they indicated that I would be in PT several times a week along with my daily exercises, for a solid year. Based on my rapid progression, I've been down-graded to about a 6-7 month full release. We thank the Lord for what He is doing. 

If things go as we expect them to go in February, let the whirlwind begin. I think I'll be most saddened about selling my home. It's where our kids have grown up. I've put my blood, sweat and tears into that home. But alas, brick and mortar can easily be replaced. Besides, as I told Mady last week, it's not the house that makes a home, it's the family who lives there. Certainly I will miss our friends and family, but at least we can stay in touch with them electronically and visit each year. Please pray for us, we will have a large annual budget to fund-raise. I've been reading a lot on the subject recently. I'm actually praying that the Lord helps us to raise the funds in 100 days. It's a lofty goal, but I'm a goal-oriented individual and I'm up to the challenge.

The Day of the Surgery...finally!

The day of my shoulder surgery has finally arrived! (I'm obviously writing this about a week after the surgery, as I'm just now above consciousness)

Big thanks to my Mom for coming up last night to watch the kids. We had to leave the house at 5:00am to be at the hospital for check-in at 5:30. After kissing the kids good-bye while they were sleeping, we left the friendly confines of our home behind.

Got to the hospital and Pastor Ron stopped by to see how we were doing and to pray with us before the surgery. I was a little apprehensive about the surgery regarding my lung condition, so they opted to have the procedure done at Carle Hospital instead of at the Surgicenter (outpatient). Dr Robert Gurtler, my orthopedic surgeon said that he would probably keep me overnight just to make sure my lungs were stable before sending me home (little did we know how much the Lord was intervening there). On a side note, Dr Gurtler is the team physician/surgeon for all of the major University of Illinois sports teams, so he has every imaginable signature hanging on his wall.

So, they wheeled me into the surgical unit and started prepping. They gave me some oxygen and the next thing I know, the nurse is in my face telling me the surgery went well and I did great. Ugh. How do we say "woozy" in post-op? There was some major confusion in post-op regarding my room assignment, and Carle doesn't allow family in post-op, so Jenn sat in the waiting room from 7:30am till 4:15 pm. She finally left to relieve my mom who was watching the kids and had to drive up to Wisconsin for a family death that night, and of course my hospital room became available at 4:30pm.

I don't remember much the first couple of days. I literally didn't move at all for the first 48 hours. Dr Gurtler said my shoulder was horrible and questioned how I was functioning. Brett Pearman, his PA, said it was the worst Bankart lesion surgery he'd ever seen and he's been with Gurtler for 4 years. Here's how they explained it: If you are looking at a clock, the capsule (labrum) around the shoulder should cover the shoulder from 12:00 all the way around to 12:00 again. Mine was torn (in the front - anterior shoulder) from 12:00 (counter-clockwise) to 5:00. More than half way. They pulled it tight, and used 7 molly bone anchors to secure it. The posterior tear in the labrum they cinched up as well, but didn't surgically repair it. They also noticed a Hills-Sachs lesion (bone dent) in my socket, which occurred when my shoulder has dislocated. They drilled out a hole and caused the bone to bleed to produce scar tissue. If that dent doesn't fill in (they don't expect it completely will), arthritis will set in for the rest of my life. No wonder my shoulder ached when I went outside in the cool weather. I ended up staying in the hospital from Wednesday thru Sunday because when I used the morphine pain pump, it lowered my O2 sats down to 85%, well below normal for me. So I was on oxygen the whole time, and until the pain could be tolerated on oral pain meds (quadruple the amount I was on right after the accident), I couldn't go home. By Sunday, I forced myself off of the morphine pump and set it was time to go home. Sore, but ready to get out of there.

I'm now in a brace for the next 6 weeks. It's definitely a fancy brace, but huge and quite cumbersome. I'll be in physical therapy after the brace comes off for about 6 months. It will be a long, arduous process, but "no pain, no gain."

Thanks to everyone for the awesome letters, emails, meals, texts and phone calls. Jenn and I were quite overwhelmed by the support from friends and family.

[ fusion ] college ministry

Jenn and I are the facilitators of  [ fusion ] college ministries at Meadowbrook Community Church (www.meadow.org/ministries/fusion). We have weekly meetings  on Tuesday nights where we preach the messages, meet with students over coffee throughout the week and coach them through some of life's biggest decisions (where to work, whom to marry and where to live). I've been involved in ministry really since I was a freshman in college at EIU in '95. In the summer of '99 I applied, was accepted and transferred to ISU (Illinois State University) where I eventually graduated from in '01. I started an RSO called Campus Bible Club as a student there and was President during my 2 year tenure. During those 6 years, I was directly involved in college ministry leadership on 3 different campus (also add in Lakeland College in Mattoon). Ministering to college students has always been in my heart. 

After I graduated from ISU, I continued to serve as Director for Campus Bible Club, an inter-denominational Bible study for students, until 2002. When I moved to Champaign that year I left the ministry behind that I started from scratch and joined forces with the CBC at the University of Illinois where I served as Co-Director from 2002-3003. I took a break in 2004 from college ministry to get married, and then in 2005, Jenn and I started Fusion at our our current church. It's definitely evolved over the years, and just this past year, we moved into our brand-new state-of-the-art facility, the Orange Bowl, located in the church.

The decision to leave the States and possibly move to Africa has been weighing heavy on my heart. I know that this is God's ministry, and I'm just a simple servant, but its been my baby from the beginning. I've poured blood, sweat and tears into the ministry and to just walk away is not in my nature. We know that God's timing is perfect and that He provides and that he doesn't need me. But, none the less, I've been asking the Lord what to do.

Along came October 14th. I'm on the prayer team at Meadowbrook and so we go forth after each Sunday message and allow the congregants to come forward for prayer. A dear sister came forward  and she's had 3 of her kids come through our ministry. She came forward not to be prayed for, but to pray for me. This was a turn of events. Kinda cool.

Laurie told me that "She is allowing me to let Fusion go. To not worry about it." She was giving me permission to let something go that she knew was very close to my heart. I couldn't believe my ears! This has been on my heart and the prayer I've been praying for several weeks. She literally was the voice of God. I was so relieved, convicted and in awe of my God all at once. The flood gates were opened yet again.

She prayed with me, for me and for Fusion as a whole and returned to her seat. I couldn't wait to tell Jenn about this one. We are still looking for somone to take over Fusion, preferably a strong, young couple with a vision for college ministry. It's definitely a hands-on, get dirty ministry. We know that the students that we love won't be left alone. There will be an awesome couple who will rise up to stand in the gap. Knowing that people are praying for us in this way is a huge relief.

Injury Update After My Accident

Please continue to pray for us. I had an MRI done on my left shoulder and I have 2 tears in the labrum and the end of the cap of the humerus bone is broken off and just dangling. I will have surgery on Wednesday, October 17th to repair the tears and remove the piece of bone. I endured about 4 weeks of PT (physical therapy) on my shoulder before they stopped the PT so my shoulder could heal up (they don't want it to be in serious pain before the surgery, it will be very tight and sore). The PT on the shoulder after the surgery could take anywhere from 6-9 months to obtain full mobilization and range of motion. Not looking forward to that. Everyone has said it's a painful recovery. I say, "bring on the pain meds!"

I had an appointment at the Carle Pain Clinic today. Since the MRI on my back didn't show any structural damage (praise God!), I was released from my neurosurgeon,  Dr Olivero. So, I'm now a patient of Dr Jung at the Pain Clinic. He said that I have ligament damage in my lower back. This is what is causing the significant lower back pain every day and is keeping me from driving (I've been off work since the accident because of the issues with driving and back pain). After 4 weeks of chiropractic treatments and 6 weeks of PT on my lower back with little benefit or improvement, I was advised to seek advice at the Pain Clinic. I'll follow up with him after the surgery for possible steroid injections in my back.

On an interesting note, Dr Jung is a Christian and told me he goes to the same Korean church here in town as Dr Chung, my chiropractor. He said he would be praying for us. This was yet again another confirmation of God orchestrating our lives.

After my surgery, PT and recovery and healing of my lower back (and we raise the full financial support needed), we believe the Lord is leading us to move to South Africa. Pray for God's perfect timing. It may be Jan 1, 2014 before we are ready to go, but we are hoping it's before then.

The Big Announcement at Meadowbrook Community Church

I got a call this morning from Pastor Ron around 7:30 or 8 am, asking if we would be willing to share a short 10 minute testimony on how God has been leading us these past few months. My instantaneous internal response was "NO WAY, IT'S TOO EARLY!" but calmly, I responded, "Sure, I'd love to." I walked into the kitchen and told Jenn to dress up, we're speaking this morning at church. (She and I were already dressed, I just wanted to freak her out a little. Mission accomplished.)

This was certainly a HUGE step of faith for us. We have already announced to our small group back in August our plans, but announcing this before the church is a whole different ballgame. At the time, we were going through a 4 week church-wide campaign called "Power of a Whisper" by Bill Hybels, and we asked our small group to pray for us for regarding a confirmation for Africa. We've also let several of our friends know about our plans, but that's about it. To announce our plans in front of our home church (both services) was certainly taking it to the next level. The Lord gave us real peace though throughout the morning and so we walked up on stage and shared our hearts. It was truly a singular moment in our lives.

• We had many come up to us and give us big hugs and said they would be praying for us.
• We had friends that started crying, thinking about us leaving and going to South Africa
• We received a large check from someone in the audience that responded to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. We didn't even know her. We weren't asking for money.
• We had one lady that walked up to us and said she believed God told her that we would have no problem selling our home (she didn't even know if we were renting or owned a home). We need to be careful about not reading too much into these "whispers from God," but we were comforted
• We sensed God's leading and confirmation

We covet your prayer. We need your prayer. This is the one thing we sensed when we led the team of 14 to Ghana in 2011, we knew people were praying for us and we felt very anointed. We need prayer.

Here is the link on what I shared first service. I was hoping they would post what I shared in the 2nd service on line, (I forgot a few things 1st service), but here it is. Pastor Ron's whole message is about 40:00 long. I start speaking around minute 23:00. I would recommend listening to the first 23:00 so you understand why we were asked to share on this particular morning.

Audio of Mark & Jenn's Testimony at Meadowbrook Community Church 9/23/12