He Winked at Me and I Kinda Liked It

Growing up, my dad had eyes that twinkled. They would positively sparkle when he was exaggerating or telling some far-fetched story. He loved to tell stories that were engaging and entertaining. I guess that's where I learned to wink...he winked at people that he liked and loved. No one else would know that he winked, he winked just at me or someone he was talking to and it made us feel extra special. We had that connection. It was the Father-Son connection and it was a very strong bond. When he passed away 2 years ago from pancreatic cancer, although he was an organ donor, the only organs they could utilize were his eyes. Maybe someday I'll see someone on the street and when they pass by, I'll see a glimpse of my dad again.

My dad would wink at me and make me feel special.

A question started brewing within me, "Does God 'wink' to let his people know he cares?"

I believe he does. Allow me to pontificate.

Jenn and I were recently invited to the Illinois District Council up in Naperville, IL. On Tuesday evening, Jim Cymbala, of the Brooklyn Tabernacle, was the guest speaker. At the conclusion of his message, he invited all 650 pastors and spouses from around Illinois to come down to the altar to pray, worship and submit themselves to God. I was so moved that I ran down to the altar unfortunately leaving Jenn in the dust to fend for herself.

It was a powerful time of praying and surrender. At the end of that prayer time, Pastor Cymbala told all of the guys to turn to a guy next to them and pray for them and likewise for the ladies. I was standing there looking around for someone to pray with when I saw a tall, lanky guy towards my right also looking for someone to pray with. I tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around and we prayed for each other. I asked him how I could pray for him and he said he was church planting in Florida. I laid my hands on him and just poured myself out in prayer for him. It was a powerful time. As I said amen, he looked up at me and asked how he could pray for me. And that's when it happened.

It was one of those moments I'll never forget. It was surreal and zany. It was a huge confirmation. It was a "God wink."

I told him that we were moving to work in college ministry with Chi Alpha. He then asked me which state and I responded Louisiana. He then proceeded to ask me which campus and I said the University of Louisiana. At this, his eyes got real big and slowly he asked "which campus?" and I told him the University of Louisiana - Lafayette. At this, he quietly said, "That's where I graduated from in 2008." ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Out of the 4000 college campuses in the US and the the 650 people at this council and I end up praying with a guy who graduated from the campus where we are being sent?!?!? To say that he prayed for Jenn and I was an understatement. He went crazy in his prayer. Like all up in my business, yelling out to God, prayer. He saw it. I saw it. We sensed the wink of God. When he was done praying, we both yelled amen as tears were streaming down our cheeks. Our conversation about the campus afterwards was a source of joy.

As Jenn and I were moving to Africa last year, we had confirmation after confirmation of God's will. And although we've had a big peace about moving to Louisiana, there hasn't been that confirmation that sealed the deal. We were pressing forward anyways, knowing that God was leading us. To say we've sensed God's confirmation now is needless to say.

God moves in amazing ways. He leads us, he guides us and confirms his will along the way. As we are truly seeking his will, he will show us the path to take.

He winked at me and I kinda liked it.

May you be blessed.

The Invisible Church

I’ve recently started fast walking for exercise to coincide with cycling. Going up and down the long steep hills near my mom’s house has proven to be a great source of lung clearance.

Although I lived around these hills my entire childhood, I noticed something new recently. It’s not anything really to get excited about. Most people pass right on by without a single thought. It’s something very simple.  

A road sign.

This sign is not immoral. It’s not disturbing. It doesn’t affect most people. It’s just an announcement. The problem is what it’s announcing. This particular sign announces “Church Entrance” Why do they need a sign for this? How could this possibly be necessary? The problem is that this particular church is on a curve with a hidden entrance. Coming from a particular direction, you wouldn’t even know that there is a church around the curve.

It’s a hidden church.

This has powerfully impacted me the last couple of weeks. It’s blown my mind and caused me to pause and think. Isn’t the church to be the “light of the world, a town on a hill that can’t be hidden?” Isn’t the church to be known in the community? Isn’t she a candle in the darkness? Isn’t she supposed to impact communities in EVERY direction? Isn't she the very entity that the “gates of hell will not be able to prevail over?" The church has Jesus Christ himself as the chief cornerstone and we are built upon him. My goodness, it’s the focus of the God of this cosmos and we have audacity to hide it? Let’s shout it from the rooftops, let’s pound the pavement and go crazy announcing the place of purpose of God himself. This is an insane, bizarre, rock-awesome announcement not a boring proclamation.

I don’t like that sign anymore. I despise that sign now. It wreaks havoc on my theology. I want to take down that sign. Actually, I want to move the church. Now that’s an idea. How about we move the church so that it really does impact communities in every direction. Let’s take the invisible and make it visible. And then it struck me.

“Mark, I’m moving you. You are my church. You are to be my voice. YOU are the one that I don’t want to be invisible. You are to be the visible. You are a city on a hill. You are a candle in the darkness. I want to move YOU. To go. To represent.”

I’ve been given new marching orders. I don’t want to be an invisible representation of Christ. If I am invisible, my how the Kingdom suffers. “Lord, I’m here for you. Spirit, give me the words to speak. Give me a voice. I surrender to you.”

What if the church becomes immobile? What if we don’t become visible? What if the church becomes rigid? What if she loses her voice? What if we become invisible to the community? What if we don’t impact those who have lost hope? What if we have no answer for sadness, brokenness, loss, shame, and sin? What if we already have done all of that? Well, most likely this will happen….

See, this is that invisible church. Look real close. Do you see what I see? Notice the sign. No announcements. No pastor. No service times. Nothing. The grounds have been overrun with weeds and tall grass. The invisible church becomes another quiet entity. The invisible, immobile church becomes…a dead church. Lifeless. 

Stop and think on these things.

They are so wrong.

Meet Josphine. 

She is a beautiful young lady who attends Lighthouse Christian Church with us on Sunday mornings.  She is quiet and has a gentle spirit.  This past Sunday she touched my soul. 

I woke up Sunday morning a bit discouraged.  I was praying that the Lord would change my heart and my attitude.  

Mark was preaching in adult church (you know you work with children's church when you start calling it "adult church") so we were blessed to be able to sit in on the adult service.  I'll admit that my heart wasn't there.  I was struggling.  

After worship, this beautiful friend got up and read a poem that she had written.  The tears began to flow from my eyes. After service, I had her write her poem into my journal so that I could have it to read again and again.
Here is the poem that Josphine has titled "Thank You Lord." 

Thank you Lord

While the world looks upon me 

as I struggle along

They say I have nothing

but they are so wrong

In my heart I'm rejoicing

How I wish they could see

Thank you Lord for your blessing on me. 

There is a roof above me 

I have a good place to sleep

There is food on my table

and shoes on my feet

You gave me your love Lord

and a fine family

Thank you Lord for your blessing.

I know I'm not wealthy 

and these clothes they are not new

And I don't have much money

But I have you Lord

And that's all that matters 

though the world may not see.

What a perspective change I had that morning.  Although I had been struggling and things were weighing on me, my focus was moved.  My focus moved to the Lord; how good He is, how rich His blessings are that He's given to me.  My heart was changed.  The Lord spoke to my heart through this friend and I'm so thankful for that. 

So often, we as Americans, tend to look outwardly at things and base our happiness on what we have.  But, that's not how it's supposed to be.  Josphine has it.  She gets it.  She understands.  She knows that it's not about money, or clothes, or stuff -- It's about the love of Jesus and the blessing that it is to know Him.  When we breath our last breath it's not going to matter how much money we have, how well our children are dressed, how well our closet is stocked with brand name clothes.  It won't matter how much stuff we have at home or how immaculately decorated our house is.  It won't matter.  None of that will matter.  What will matter is that we have loved Jesus and we have devoted our lives to following Him.  

I want to be known for my love for Jesus.  I want to be known for having a servant's heart and having a love for His people.  If you were to come to my house right now, this is probably what you'll see: 

*3 adorable children who love Jesus.  They will most likely be dirty. They will probably have the same pair of shoes on that they've been wearing since we got here.  They most likely won't have matching clothes on, but they will have joy in their hearts and they will be happy to see you. 

*a mom who doesn't have it all together.  A mom who makes mistakes yet is clinging to Jesus for forgiveness and restoration.  A mom who loves people.

*A dad who leads this family with love and grace.  A dad who teaches us what it means to follow Jesus.  A dad who loves.

* A home that is home for us.  It's not 2 story or even 3 bedroom but it's home and we love it.  It's comfortable, it's a roof over our heads and it's a blessing.  

My perspective has been changed.  Josphine's poem spoke to my heart.  No matter what your circumstances are like, we must remember the blessings that God has given us.  We must remember that we are loved and cared for.  We don't have to have the stuff or the clothes or the house to prove it.  He's given us life.  He's given us hope.  He's given us His Son.  

That's more than enough for me.  

Finding my daughter...

Mady at Ripple Pond with Magic Island and the "Hornet House" in the distance

It's been dawning on me the last several months that I've never really gotten to know my eldest daughter Mady. I know about her (I know her favorite color is purple, her favorite princess is Belle, and that she's shy but very perceptive). I know about her, but do I really KNOW her? Similar to a favorite athlete or actor...we can know all about them, but we don't really know them. We know all of their stats or the timeline of movies they've been in. We know about their spouses, their vices in life and where they live, but we don't really know them personally. Some would say this about Jesus. 

Almost everyday, I ask Mady if she wants to go on a bike ride with me. And everyday we ride less, but talk more. She's starting to open up to me. She's told me things that I had no idea she was thinking. I've been pleasantly surprised about some things. Other things have been a little alarming, but that's ok. She's growing and learning and becoming her own person. 

This is a message to Dads out there. Maybe you have daughters, maybe you have sons. Here's what I've learned riding bikes with my 7 year old on the back stretch of a safari breeding ground in South Africa. 

1. Dad, your kids have an awesome imagination. Learn to imagine with them. I'm doing a 6-part series right now about "Heaven" in our children's ministry. How would YOU teach on heaven? You open the Scriptures and teach, but then you have to encourage them to dream, to imagine and to let their minds soar. Those who are excited about heaven start living for heaven. Mady and I always stop at this large pond (she named it "Ripple Pond," a great name) and we throw rocks from the waters edge. We've named the island "Magic Island" in the middle of Ripple Pond. She talks about fairies, and the "Hornet House" that's across the pond where we got swarmed by hornets when we went exploring. We feed the fairies and launch pieces of wood for boats for them to ride on. Some days we just sit on the dock and make up stuff. Imagine with your kids...their minds are alive with imagination. It will unite you together in ways you could never imagine.

2. Dads, never be scared to ask your children questions. "Mady, how does God want to use you here in Africa?" "I don't know, I'm only 7." "Oh baby girl, God has an AMAZING plan for your life!" "But you and mom are the missionaries, I'm not." "Yes you are babe. You can go up to little boys and girls who are sad or sick and offer to pray for them." "I can? But I would be scared." "I know, pretty girl, but God tell us in Joshua 1:9 "don't be scared or discouraged. And I will be with you and I'll never leave you." "God will help me not be scared?" "Yes babe." "Ok Daddy." At this point, I almost couldn't speak because of emotions. She honestly thought that God couldn't use her, that he called Jenn and I to Africa, but not her. Dad, it's your responsibility to teach your children! You have a calling, the highest calling to train up your children in the way they should go. Mady has heard literally 100's of my messages throughout the years, but until today, it never clicked for her. You can't depend on a sunday school teacher or pastor to spiritually train your children. There is just simply no replacement for a loving, caring, intentional parent.

3. Dads, you need to spend more than just an hour a week or a date night per month with your daughters and sons. I spend quality, intentional time with Mady each day (Sam and Hannah get quality time too). It took a few weeks, but she's starting to open up now. The first day riding, all we did was ride. The second day, she started opening up. Now, we have open communication. It's never too early (or too late) to start these dialogues. I didn't really start having these open dialogues with my dad until I was in my 20's and 30's, but I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world now. Mady doesn't care how much I know until she knows how much I care.

4. Dads, don't rush things. Sometimes, we walk more than we ride. The goal is not a 4 mile bike ride. The goal is not to finish in record time. The goal is relational growth. (When we get back to the house, I drop her off and go out for a quick 10 km ride for my exercise). Don't push them. We have years to encourage, strengthen and edify them. If Mady is scared to film a video about talking to boys and girls about Jesus, DON'T PUSH! She'll come around, but today she just wants to learn how to skip rocks in Ripple Pond. Dad, your daughter is fragile, she's tender. Treat her like a princess and she'll grow up to adore the king. 

I've had a gut check. A perspective check. A heart check. I can minister to 200 3-15 year olds on a Sunday morning and keep them spellbound for an hour and a half, but if I don't minister to my own 3 children, I've lost. I've lost the battle. I've lost the war. Turn off the TV (easy for me to say, we don't have one), power off the cell phone (oh my word, DON'T take it on your daddy/daughter date. Are you kidding me? What could POSSIBLY be MORE IMPORTANT than those precious eyes that adore you?) How about instead of surfing the internet, you go find a big box, cut some windows and doors in it, color and decorate it, and then take your daughter to the store, buy a new Barbie, go back home, and lay on the floor and dream and imagine with her about the prince coming to save the princess? You'll never regret one second of this priceless time. Be intentional Dad and she'll come to you for every step of this crazy journey we call life. 

PS. By the way, thanks to my amazing wife for encouraging me to spend more time with the kids. This pains me to say it, but she was right...

A Valentine's Date to Remember

After our ride

Yesterday afternoon Mady begged me to go on a bike ride with her. I wasn't feeling the greatest and so I asked her if she would like to join me for my 6 am ride through what I call "The Sanctuary" - a ride in the back stretch of the breeding grounds where we live. She agreed and we talked about what to wear and how long it would take. While I was at my weekly Rotary meeting last night Jenn said she talked about it nonstop, so I knew she was excited. I wasn't too sure she would be excited about getting up at 6 am though.

I woke up a little late myself (around 5:45 am) and I need to do a nebulizer treatment before I exercise and as I walked into our living room I found her there dressed in her workout clothes with her shoes already on (actually they were flip flops - I found out she doesn't have any sneakers here. That will change today.) I finished my nebulizer about 6:10 am and when I turned off the machine she told me "Daddy, we were supposed to leave at 6:00, we're late." Ok, she's ready.

We got our bikes and headed off into the wild country. She sky was radiant with little beams of light hitting the foothills with brilliance. We laughed at the monkeys, stirred up a big pack of impala and spooked about 8 Oryx grazing on the grass. We enjoyed the Guinea fowl and a host of other animals. It stormed the night before so everything was glistening and there was a freshness was in the air. I taught her how to pick "a line" to ride, anticipating grade changes, guiding through the puddles and mud and navigating the rocky terrain. Although I went half my normal speed, this was more than double the enjoyment.

After about 20 minutes she started to slow down (and her plastic flip flops kept slipping off her muddy pedals). We ended up walking our bikes and talking for the last 20 minutes of our journey. Apparently my 21-gear, dual-suspension Trek Superfly AL100 Elite mountain bike with 29" tires was too much for her department store special.

The conversation got a little quiet and finally she asked me about what we were going to do today since it was Valentine's Day. I told her I was speaking at a young adult service tonight and that we were going to the church this afternoon for the after school program that we help lead. I also told her that I was going to buy her a pair of sneakers as well (a very special treat). A few minutes later she quietly asked "Did you get an email from Nonny?" My response was "yes." Her face lit up with anticipation and joy.

You see, this wasn't just any email. We've been checking and checking our email for the past 2 days waiting for an email. Actually, an attachment. An email attachment with a copy of our birth certificates and marriage license. You need them to be able to submit the paperwork to become foster parents and to adopt a little boy from South Africa...

A week ago we visited a baby shelter (an orphanage) with the missions team that was here. The moment we walked in, the Lord spoke to both Jenn and I individually about one little boy that was there. We didn't tell each other anything that day but that night, as we were getting ready for bed, I nervously mentioned that something had happened at the baby shelter that day. Jenn told me that something had happened in her heart too. We started talking and we both realized that the Lord had given us a heart and an affection for the same little boy. We had both heard God speak to us about adopting...again. We were a little overwhelmed. "Is God doing something?" "Is the timing right?" "How will this affect our children?" "Can we afford it?" "Can an American living in South Africa adopt a boy from South Africa?" The questions just kept pouring in. We were both cautiously optimistic, considering how enormously disappointed we were when we started the adoption process in 2012 and things went south. We cried out to the Lord in prayer.

As the days went by, we couldn't stop thinking about this little boy. We met with the social worker this week and got the application paperwork. It's all filled out, we just needed a few of those documents that my mom sent me. We are cautiously stepping forward right now, realizing this is a marathon, not a sprint. Knowing that as foster parents, we could lose the child any day if the biological family steps forward. Our hearts could be ripped from our chests, but we have to acknowledge that God did something last week and that we must act upon it by faith in submission to him. "Lord, we're asking that you'll do this for us. Our children are walking in faith in this journey with us. They've already nicknamed him Daniel. This will change our lives. Change our family tree. It will change us. Hear our cry we ask."

This is truly a day we'll never forget. I'm not sure how you are spending your Valentine's Day, but we are doing something that is in our hearts. We are loving. Loving children. Loving on the unlovely.

Loving orphans. 

Happy.Valentine's.Day. 

"Pure religion that God accepts is to take care of the widow and the orphan in their distress and to keep thyself pure from the world." 

James 1:27

Church is for cowards, wussies and wimps

A friends of mine recently contacted me and said that she was thinking about finding a new church home. Although she's had a difficult couple of years, I applauded her desire to connect with a new fellowship of believers. As she and I have chatted about what to look for in a church, it dawned on me that church is often viewed as a place for "happy, smiling, perfect people" with "2.5 kids, an SUV, a mortgage and 2 weeks paid vacation per year." The dad is clad in khakis and a pressed polo and the mom sports the latest designer scarf, perfectly matched discounted skirt (it was 30% off!) and knee high boots.

Wait, maybe I'm just describing us.

As I search the Scriptures and especially the book of Acts, a different perception is portrayed. The believers in Acts shared everything they had with each other (Acts 4:32), worked all night - in prayer and preaching (Acts 20:7-12), celebrated "life together" (Acts 2:44) and even were willing to meet in an upper room for days on end in prayer (Acts 1:13). The notion of showing up on Sunday and warming a pew for an hour just wasn't an option.

If we were to practice these types of activities in modern days, I believe most would consider us a cult, which wouldn't glorify Christ. However there is a way for us to share "Life Together" as the German philosopher Dietrich Bonhoeffer described in his popular book before he was hung in 1945. Life together is openness. Accountability. Growing together. Learning together. Praying for one another. Freedom to be. Freedom to laugh and snort.

My friend and I have had quite a few discussions on what to look for in a new church home. Is the preaching the #1 thing to evaluate? How about the "friendliness" of the church? How about a good children's ministry? An annual cookout? Comfortable seating? Nicely tuned worship band? Ease of location or a close parking spot for visitors? I absolutely agree that a solid church community should have biblical preaching, fellowship, worship and prayer (Acts 2:42). And I absolutely believe there should be small groups that stand for one another, pray for each other and have an accountability system put in place. The #1 consideration however is "Lord, where are YOU planting me in your body?"

You see, church should not be a community of perfectionists who put on their Sunday best and pretend they have no problems. Church should be more like...a hospital. A place for those who can "come as we are." A place for the down and out. The misfits. The sad, the broken. Jesus himself said that "it is not the healthy who need a doctor, healthy people don't need a doctor, sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners." (Mark 2:17). Jesus the great physician, calls the imperfect - the sinners, and welcomes them into his house.

The message of the church is for cowards. He promises in Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you…"

The message of the church is for wussies. He promises in Isaiah 41:13 "I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand, and says "Do not fear, I will help you..." 

The message of the church is for wimps. He promises in 2 Corinthians 12:9 "My power is made perfect in weakness…"

He takes us where we are and elevates us to the next level. He leads us into deeper intimacy with him. He calls all of us, even the cowards, wussies and wimps into his home. The church should welcome such with open arms…Jesus does.

Maybe, just maybe, we need to have a new viewpoint of the church. Maybe we need to change our perception of who goes to church. Maybe we need to welcome those who come in who don't fit into our "box." Maybe we need to recognize that the church is a place for healing. Maybe the church should be a safe place where we embrace each other's problems and speak love and edification, rather than look at someone with a judgmental, haughty, condescending side-ways glance derived out of pride, arrogance and self.

And maybe, just maybe, the cross on the steeple needs to be replaced with a new cross. A reminder of the spirit of the cross. A cross that looks like…this.

We've decided to not go back

Jenn and I have been praying a lot about a big decision in our lives recently. This has not been an easy decision and it's even more difficult to talk about it. We've decided to not go back to a place that's very dear and near to our hearts. It has big implications now and huge implications down the road. It will impact our children in a way that we can't quite comprehend the outcome. In some ways I know they will be disappointed and in some ways I know they will be understanding, if not pleased.

I want to go back. There's a pull and a tug in my soul and there are places in my heart that scream for me to go back. But as I quiet myself and pray and seek the Lord's leading, I know he's directing me down a different path. One that maybe I've tripped over along the way or even wandered down for a brief period of time. There are certain aspects of the new path that we've gone down before and have become scared or even determined we can't do it. It's a path of the unknown.

I really want to go back, but the Lord is telling me no. I want to be involved in what I know. I want to do what I've done in the past. There's comfort there, and a sense of stability.

But we've decided to not go back.

We've decided to not go back to what we were doing. We've decided to not go back to the way we've gone before. We're sick of that path. We're done. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says that "if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old is gone, the new has come." We're no longer living in the past. There's no need to go there again. I'm new. I'm not the old Mark. The old Mark is gone, buried with Christ. The new Mark is here, but it's not even me that's living, it's Christ in me (Gal 2:20) who's alive and active. His life is expressing itself through me. This new life looks different, acts different and thinks different.

I'm not going back. I'm not going back to the old Mark.

I'm not going back to a sheltered life, cocooned off from the world.
I'm not going back to any debt. Being 100% debt free allows me to breathe and sleep soundly. (This was our first Christmas with absolutely no debt and paying cash for everything. Simpler. Peaceful.)
I'm not going back to no accountability. Even Christ was under the Father.
I'm not going back to not taking care of my body. How can I serve if my health fails?
I'm not going back to thinking a "job" has no potential for ministry. I represent Christ in any task.
I'm not going back to taking days off as a Dad. My kids come before ministry.

I'm not going back, to the old way of doing things. If (*when) I fail, I'm glad I have accountability brothers who will keep me in check. Therein lies the beauty of community. I take a stand and then others are there to catch me when I fall and help me back on my feet.

Are you willing to take a stand and make a list and commit it to prayer? To not go back? Who will you ask to help you? Without accountability in this particular arena, we're bound for disappointment and failure.