I woke up on Wednesday morning with a very sore nose. The kids chided and said that I looked like Rudolf. It was very painful and covered the whole tip of my nose and left nostril. I ended up soaking in the shower several times to relieve the pain and even broke down and took some pain meds (that I'm trying to step-off of due to an accidental pain med addiction that I've acquired). It was so bad that it kept me up at night and give me a nauseating headache. By Friday morning, I couldn't take it anymore and went to Dermatology. The doctor diagnosed me with a subcutaneous cyst and I was prescribed antibiotics. By Saturday afternoon, my vision was being affected and I had ringing in my ears. Towards the end of Mady's 6th birthday party (the one that we had to postpone because of Jenn's emergency appendectomy on Thanksgiving Day), I had my mom take me to the ER.
The ER physician contacted the Facial Surgeon team and they said I had a staph infection, but didn't think that it needed to be incised (cut open and drained). They said that I needed high dosage antibiotics to combat a possible MRSA infection ( a more severe type of staph infection). I was admitted to the hospital on Saturday night and I'm still here. No timeline for release from the hospital in sight. However this has been an absolutely divine experience.
I don't know what the Lord is doing in our lives. People have said we've had a string of bad luck. Some have said the enemy is raging war. Some have said that God is trying to teach us and refine us. If the Lord's trying to get our attention, he has it.
In some ways I feel like I'm in bondage, a prison. We have allowed the Lord to lead us in any way he wants. We've given Him our lives. If he wants us to become missionaries, we are available. If he wants us to stay in Champaign, we will stay and continue to serve as we have. We are just available servants. But from the time that we announced our decision to possibly become international missionaries, and have asked our friends and family to pray for us, we have been attacked on every front. If all of these recent issues were just Cystic Fibrosis (my lung disease) issues flaring up, I'd say that it was just a natural outflow of my disease. However, the attacks have been against both Jennifer and I, and they have been unique conditions for us (an auto accident, back injury, a shoulder surgery, pain med addiction, emergency appendectomy and now a extremely painful staph infection). I don't blame all of our recent issues on "the devil." I've been telling people that I think the Lord is allowing some things to occur in our lives to refine us and mold us. But with this latest episode, I really believe the enemy is raging, because God is at work. He's raging on our bodies and in our minds. He's lying to us and creating some worry, doubts and fears.
I feel like this hospital room is a jail cell and I've been chained because of my passion for Christ. This is certainly how I feel, again maybe it's the enemy trying to discourage me. Some days he succeeds. I'm thankful the Lord welcomes me back so quickly. I read in Eph 6:19-20, Paul says "Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should." Paul was in prison for the gospel's sake. His prayer request was that he would continuously and fearlessly preach the gospel in every situation. This is my desire. I want to fearlessly and boldly be His ambassador, sharing the good news with anyone that walks in my door. My faith in Christ and giving glory to God has been brought up with each person in some way. To say that I've been blessed is an understatement. Here are some of my encounters:
- A social worker came in to encourage me. Found out her husband's parents were missionaries in Sierra Leone. After 30 minutes of sharing her heart, she left, walking away and saying she was proud of us.
- A Healthcare Tech, "Peyton" has had a troubled past. Piercings and tattoos all over (even a sub-dermal rod in her wrist). She went up to Chicago to go to Mortuary School. Came back to Champaign to go into Healthcare. I'm praying for her salvation
- A nursing student is from eastern Africa and is very excited about our prayer request
- A nurse who isn't a Christian, but was very intrigued that we were seeking to advance "justice and mercy" in a foreign country, is willing to listen
- And many others who have seen my Bible or heard me playing a podcast when they walk in the room
No matter where we are at, we are called to be Christ's ambassadors. To stand fearlessly for Him. Paul tells the church to be fearless, because the natural tendency is to be fear-ful, especially in a scary situation (my nose infection, which is MRSA, could become systemic, entering my blood stream. That could be life-threatening). We need to be willing to share our faith (in a proper way) even if it means rejection or ridicule. The enemy is doing his best to discourage Jennifer and I. We have had our moments that's for sure, but I'm so thankful for this opportunity to lean on Christ and to cast all of my worries, doubts and fears on Him. My life is truly in his hands, and he cares for his children. He spoke to me yesterday from Psalm 121:4-5:
He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.The Lord watches over you - the Lord is your shade at your right hand.
He's taking care of me and my family.
I have nothing to worry about.
I am not ashamed.
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