A Very Careful Love

I've been studying and meditating on the book of Joshua for a few months now. I love the book of Joshua. It's a book of struggle, war, conflict, defeat and victory. Joshua was the second person to lead the Jewish people in their early history. He spent the early part of his life training under Moses and took over for him when the Israelites entered the land of Canaan. Joshua's charisma and skill as a leader are evident from the success of the Jews during his lifetime, and their rapid decline following his death. Indeed, not until Samuel's reign hundreds of years later do the Israelites find a comparable leader. Joshua is a man's man and he is an example of courageous leading and listening to the voice of God.

As I was reading in Joshua 23 this morning, I couldn't help but notice the vibrant language that this Hebrew author penned in verse 11 "So be very careful to love the Lord your God." How we need to carefully love the Lord. So easily we can become sloppy, careless or even apathetic in our love towards him. "So" is a conjunction, joining this thought to the previous textual verses. Verses 9-10 are a reminder that the Lord has fought for them and he has fulfilled his promises. Joshua reminds the Israelites "So" or "therefore" because of this, carefully love God. An exegetical study on this verse was intriguing:

Be careful: take heed, watch, guard, protect, retain
Very: exceedingly, abundant, with force, power, might
Love: to breathe after

We are to literally be very careful how we love and what we love. The love that he's talking about is a love that is like a passionate lover, to breathe after someone in anticipation and exhilaration. I'm called to have that type of love for my Lord. With force, power and might I'm to fight for my love towards God, not allowing anything to deter me from this pathway of love.

 Stumbling Blocks

There are often stumbling blocks that are placed in this pathway of love, stumbling blocks that we must address and have removed. Some of these are the consequences of sin, some of them are the attack of the enemy, while others are stumbling blocks that have been placed in our lives by the poor choices we've made.

Joshua 23:12 tells us that there is a progression on how our love wavers and becomes ultimately deterred from the almighty God.

1. But if you turn away - In a moment, our eyes can deflect off of the love path and glance to the left or to the right (v6). We can turn away from our first love or worse, we can literally look back at the world we've just left, like Lot's wife (Gen. 19:26). Turning away can be a momentary glance, a longing stare, an apathetic and complacent devotion or a defiant stance. There are many things that create a diversion in our lives from the Lord and onto something else.

2. and ally yourselves - The next step after a glance is we begin to set up a relationship with the world. We can befriend and associate ourselves with things other than God. Sometimes we rationalize this relationship and suggest that it's not that we've left the Lord, but that we are pursuing an opportunity that has come across our path. We then begin to love this opportunity more than the one from whom the opportunity has originated (God). Our allegiance becomes horizontal rather than vertical in nature.

3. and if you intermarry - The glance that turned into an allegiance has now become a marriage vow. To love the world and to have a loving relationship with the godless is to deny the Lord and to re-direct our first love to the temporal trash. We can breathe after our God or we can breathe after this world. The apostle John tells us that if we "love the world, the love of the Father is not in [us]" (John 2:15). If the love of the Father is not in us, we lose all of the power, vitality and wisdom that he affords. We lose our lifeline and the source of our strength. We will lose his hedge of protection "then you may be sure that the Lord your God will no longer drive out these nations before you." (Joshua 23:13a). There are things in our lives that we can passionately love more than Him (recreation, friends, family-focus, child-focus etc). How we spend our time, what we spend our money on and what excites us are pretty good indicators of our heart's desire.

4. and associate with them - This term associate is a term that means a business partnership and is yet another aspect of a romance with the world. The Lord tells us to not even have a business relationship or partnership with someone who is apart from Him. He gives us these instructions to preserve us, keep us and save us. The world loves money. The world loves power. The world loves self. But we have a different set of values and love. Our pathway is different from the world. We have an eternal and vertical vision, the world has a temporary and horizontal vision. We can easily love these business partnerships (money and career etc) much more than we love Him.

Canaan - the Promised Land

To deny our relationship with Him and to turn our love, vision, allegiance and partnership to the world will cost us everything. "[These nations] will become snares and traps for you, whips on your backs and thorns in your eyes, until you perish from this good land, which the Lord your God has given you." (23:13b) Our God has promised us a good land! He is fulfilling his promises. He is leading us to the promised land! I don't want to forfeit all that the Lord is doing in my life and has promised to do. This obviously doesn't preclude me from loving and serving others, but I do want to "be very careful to love the Lord [my] God" and nothing else of this world.

An Unsettling Feeling

I just finished reading a rather descriptive discourse on the physical, psychological and emotional atrocities that missionary Richard Wurmbrand endured during the Soviet dictatorship in Romania in the 1960's and 70's. To read of the wicked men that tortured believers for their faith in Tortured for Christ begs the question "Why would a man or a woman stand for Christ, fully aware that there was a strong possibility of an imminent death for them and their family?" The summarized response is that "the love of Christ constrains us." We love him because he first loved us (1 John 4:19). As I sat and pondered this question this morning, the Lord gave me a terrifying realization regarding the fate of mankind.

I've been a believer and follower of Christ nearly my entire life. I received Christ when I was 6 years old, a few years after my mom and brother were killed in a single car accident on Interstate 80 near Atlantica, Iowa. I was with my dad in the vehicle in front of them. After my dad remarried, my step-mom took me to a youth group and the first time I heard the gospel ("good news") message, I surrendered my life to Christ. I was compelled by Christ's love for me, and that he died for me. This understanding floored me. I had never equated death with love. For the previous 3 years, I had equated death with sorrow, sadness and pain. To become an only child with a now single parent was very difficult to withstand. But when I heard the gospel message, I was mesmerized by its clarity, its calling and its commission. I received Christ on my hands and knees in Pastor Triestram's office, not because I understood justification or sanctification, but because I didn't want to go to hell. Christ's love and subsequent death on the cross provided a way of salvation from hell. That was the basis of my conversion as a little boy. When I got up off the floor that night, I felt like a 1000 pound pack was removed from my back. I was already carrying around that much "baggage." Having responded to the love of Christ, I knew I was commissioned to preach the gospel, and that week, I shared the gospel with Matt C. out on the playground (also telling him that he was going to hell if he didn't accept Jesus. Not sure why we weren't friends after that...)

As I sat on the couch this morning and thought about Tortured for Christ, I had a very unsettling awareness sweep over me. It was an awareness of the reality of hell. I have a hard time understanding hell. I also have a hard time understanding eternity. As difficult as it is to comprehend eternity forward, it's significantly more difficult for me to comprehend eternity past, that the triune God-head has always been. Always has been. I digress. It's hard for me to imagine an eternity of wedded bliss with my Savior. I look forward to sharing in the glory of heaven with the saints around the throne, and that I will never, ever, ever have to leave that glorified state. The cosmos will become our playground, ruling over galaxies as priests in His house. For eons upon eons, I will continue to worship my Savior. Literally billions and billions of years infinitely multiplied by billions of years. Never, ever leaving. For all of eternity. I cannot comprehend the magnitude of infinite. Words are bankrupt. "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn is one of my favorite books, can you tell?

However, not everyone will experience the joy of His presence in the New Heavens and the New Earth. Many will lick the flames of the lake of fire for eternity. Imagine being in a place of eternal hellish torment under those exact same [time] parameters. It is quite terrifying. I had a very, very unsettling awareness of the reality of this hell this morning. Never, ever leaving this horrifying place and for all of eternity being in a state of loneliness, decay (Mark 9:48 "their worm does not die, and the fire is not quenched") and anguish for my unforgiven sins (a just punishment) is more than my feeble mind can comprehend. I praise God for his saving grace and that Christ died upon that wooden cross for my sins, the things I've done wrong. My sin, my selfishness, my corrupt nature took him to Golgotha. I will forever be thankful for that simple prayer that I prayed, asking Christ to be my Savior, in the fall of 1982.

To really respond to the salvation story is to respond to the call to witness for Christ, to be his ambassador and to tell others about this saving grace. I cannot comprehend going to hell. I cannot imagine headed to that eternal prison, never to leave.

I have been strengthened to be his witness, a calling worthy of ridicule, persecution or worse. "Lord, thank you for this unsettled feeling. May it never wane cold."

An Inconvenienced Life

First of all, I would like to thank so many of you for praying for us during the last several weeks. It's been quite a ride. I ended up having a nasal procedure performed to remove the infection last Wednesday and I was released on Thursday afternoon with a 2 week supply of antibiotics. The great news is that this type of infection was a very typical infection and sensitive to antibiotics, so there's a 100% chance of complete recovery. The procedure by the facial surgeons was pretty rough (ok, horrible) but I felt immediate relief from it. Nose is pretty much back to normal. The Lord is at work and the enemy is raging. We had our moments of discouragement, but through the promises of God, we were reminded of His goodness and His hedge of protection.

I just finished a great book by David Platt called "Radical Together." This is the sequel to "Radical." The basic premise of the book is that the church needs to be engaged in a strong world view, and that "otherness" will help usher in the kingdom of God. We read in Revelation 7:9:

"After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands."

In order for Revelation 7:9 to occur, every nation, every tribe, every people and every language needs to be represented. To pinpoint, every nation (in the original Greek, nation is defined as "ethnos" or ethnic group) needs to be represented. Therefore, as Christians and the universal church, it is our responsibility to respond to the gospel call and go "preach the gospel to every person." (Mark 16:15 - the first verse I ever memorized right after I received Christ as my Savior.) The issue is that there are many "ethnos" groups, or ethnic groups that have never heard the name of Jesus. I've heard conflicting numbers of unreached ethnic groups (unreached people groups, or UPGs). Platt indicates there are over 6,000 UPGs still on planet earth. I've read in other articles, of the 16,500 total ethnic groups on planet earth, as many as 7,100 are still UPGs. 42% of the ethnic groups are still UPGs or 2,900,000,000 people! A UPG is defined as an ethnic group with  <2% Christians in that particular ethnic group. The best site for a clear understanding of UPGs is http://www.joshuaproject.net/index.php 

Reverting back to Revelation 7:9, how could there be a representative from "every nation, tribe, people and language" but that Christians respond to the missionary call? We have our work cut out for us. The global church needs to mobilize believers to go into the highways and byways and bring the good-news (gospel message) to unreached ethnic groups. This isn't easy, and it's certainly not convenient. Matter of fact, Platt says that it will be "an inconvenient life." 

Having a vision for UPGs in no way diminishes preaching the gospel and being Christ's ambassador in your own backyard. Matter of fact, as you stand for Christ wherever you live, your vision for people will be contagious and the Lord will lead people from your own community into the mission field as they "catch your contagious vision." We all need to have a vision for UPGs but we also need to have a vision for our neighbor down the block. How do you fulfill both? One example is go on an international missions trip once a year.

I sent Jenn a message yesterday while I was reading this book while waiting for my physical therapy appointment. Here's what I wrote, "I'm getting an assurance in my soul. However, can we agree that no matter what happens, God is leading us even if it means standing in harm's way for the sake of the gospel? Losing our lives or sipping our lattes? This book has confirmed it for me. Any missionary faces these choices of predicaments. We will use wisdom..." 

Without hesitation, I received back a response:

"Let's go."

Two words with infinite meaning, but for us a very finite one. Let's go. Let's go be inconvenienced. Let's go and live outside the world of lattes and lavish materialism. Let's go and stand in harm's way, even if it means death. Let's go and impact people for all of eternity. Let's go and have a generational impact on our genealogy. Let's go and bring the gospel to UPGs. Let's go and be "others-centered." Let's go and respond to the call of God and be obedient to his commissioning. Let's go, and do this...together. 

My wife and I are teaming up. We are relying on Him. We are scared to death, (*ahem) I mean walking by faith. "Lord, continue to lead us, guide us and direct us. This has nothing to do with us. You don't need us, but you do love us, and you do love unreached people. We thank you that our lives are in your hands. We are your willing servants." Amen.

I'm Not Ashamed

During Fusion last Tuesday, I started feeling a little sick. I wouldn't have gone had I thought I was contagious, however we had an absolutely incredible time discussing "Act Like Men" from 1 Cor 16. I believe all that were there were blessed.

I woke up on Wednesday morning with a very sore nose. The kids chided and said that I looked like Rudolf. It was very painful and covered the whole tip of my nose and left nostril. I ended up soaking in the shower several times to relieve the pain and even broke down and took some pain meds (that I'm trying to step-off of due to an accidental pain med addiction that I've acquired). It was so bad that it kept me up at night and give me a nauseating headache. By Friday morning, I couldn't take it anymore and went to Dermatology. The doctor diagnosed me with a subcutaneous cyst and I was prescribed antibiotics. By Saturday afternoon, my vision was being affected and I had ringing in my ears. Towards the end of Mady's 6th birthday party (the one that we had to postpone because of Jenn's emergency appendectomy on Thanksgiving Day), I had my mom take me to the ER.

The ER physician contacted the Facial Surgeon team and they said I had a staph infection, but didn't think that it needed to be incised (cut open and drained). They said that I needed high dosage antibiotics to combat a possible MRSA infection ( a more severe type of staph infection). I was admitted to the hospital on Saturday night and I'm still here. No timeline for release from the hospital in sight. However this has been an absolutely divine experience.

I don't know what the Lord is doing in our lives. People have said we've had a string of bad luck. Some have said the enemy is raging war. Some have said that God is trying to teach us and refine us. If the Lord's trying to get our attention, he has it.

In some ways I feel like I'm in bondage, a prison. We have allowed the Lord to lead us in any way he wants. We've given Him our lives. If he wants us to become missionaries, we are available. If he wants us to stay in Champaign, we will stay and continue to serve as we have. We are just available servants. But from the time that we announced our decision to possibly become international missionaries, and have asked our friends and family to pray for us, we have been attacked on every front. If all of these recent issues were just Cystic Fibrosis (my lung disease) issues flaring up, I'd say that it was just a natural outflow of my disease. However, the attacks have been against both Jennifer and I, and they have been unique conditions for us (an auto accident, back injury, a shoulder surgery, pain med addiction, emergency appendectomy and now a extremely painful staph infection). I don't blame all of our recent issues on "the devil." I've been telling people that I think the Lord is allowing some things to occur in our lives to refine us and mold us. But with this latest episode, I really believe the enemy is raging, because God is at work. He's raging on our bodies and in our minds. He's lying to us and creating some worry, doubts and fears. 

I feel like this hospital room is a jail cell and I've been chained because of my passion for Christ. This is certainly how I feel, again maybe it's the enemy trying to discourage me. Some days he succeeds. I'm thankful the Lord welcomes me back so quickly. I read in Eph 6:19-20, Paul says "Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should." Paul was in prison for the gospel's sake. His prayer request was that he would continuously and fearlessly preach the gospel in every situation. This is my desire. I want to fearlessly and boldly be His ambassador, sharing the good news with anyone that walks in my door. My faith in Christ and giving glory to God has been brought up with each person in some way. To say that I've been blessed is an understatement. Here are some of my encounters:

• A social worker came in to encourage me. Found out her husband's parents were missionaries in Sierra Leone. After 30 minutes of sharing her heart, she left, walking away and saying she was proud of us.
• A Healthcare Tech, "Peyton" has had a troubled past. Piercings and tattoos all over (even a sub-dermal rod in her wrist). She went up to Chicago to go to Mortuary School. Came back to Champaign to go into Healthcare. I'm praying for her salvation
• A nursing student is from eastern Africa and is very excited about our prayer request
• A nurse who isn't a Christian, but was very intrigued that we were seeking to advance "justice and mercy" in a foreign country, is willing to listen
• And many others who have seen my Bible or heard me playing a podcast when they walk in the room

No matter where we are at, we are called to be Christ's ambassadors. To stand fearlessly for Him. Paul tells the church to be fearless, because the natural tendency is to be fear-ful, especially in a scary situation (my nose infection, which is MRSA, could become systemic, entering my blood stream. That could be life-threatening). We need to be willing to share our faith (in a proper way) even if it means rejection or ridicule. The enemy is doing his best to discourage Jennifer and I. We have had our moments that's for sure, but I'm so thankful for this opportunity to lean on Christ and to cast all of my worries, doubts and fears on Him. My life is truly in his hands, and he cares for his children. He spoke to me yesterday from Psalm 121:4-5:

He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.The Lord watches over you - the Lord is your shade at your right hand.

He's taking care of me and my family. 

I have nothing to worry about.

I am not ashamed.

A Change of Perspective On Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is by far my favorite holiday of the year. I like Christmas too, but there's always so much hustle and bustle that it wears me out. The kids love Christmas and so it is fun to decorate and count down the days and enjoy their excitement. But Thanksgiving is all about returning to our roots and spending a day being thankful. A little food, family, friends and football don't hurt either. This Thanksgiving, I got a change of perspective.

I lost my dad in June. We buried him on Father's Day weekend (after he had a stroke on Mother's Day). I knew that Thanksgiving wouldn't be the same, and it's the first major holiday that normally we would have been together. Things definitely changed after I got married (for the better, obviously) but the holidays are still usually celebrated with parents. Earlier this week I came home from running some errands and just sitting in my truck for about 5 minutes thinking about Thursday. I knew it would be tough, and I knew it would be difficult to go to my Uncle Maurie's house, his only brother. This is most likely what we would have done had he not passed just like every other year. We still planned on going to my uncle's, but it was with a heavy heart. I've only seen my aunt and uncle and my cousins once since the funeral. Little did we know that things would be drastically different this year...but for a different reason.

Jenn wasn't feeling well all morning. She really wanted to make a homemade apple pie to take to my side of the family for lunch and another one for her side of the family for dinner. I remember looking at her, as she was sitting at the table hunched over, and slowly peeling an apple. She didn't look well, and she said she felt horrible. It was bad enough by mid-morning that I asked her if she wanted to stay home. She said no, that she didn't want to mess up Thanksgiving with our family. By the time we got to my uncles, a half an hour away, she could barely move. Her stomach was aching and she ended up not eating anything and laying down in the back of our suburban. After lunch I checked on her and she said she couldn't get comfortable. After about 20 minutes, she came back inside and at that point I knew something was wrong. I asked her a few questions and as everybody listened in, I told her I thought it was a possible appendicitis (she said it didn't feel like an ovarian cyst, which she's had in the past). Everyone agreed, and my mom kept the kids, and I drove her car (let's just say rapidly) to the ER. Thankfully (no pun intended) there was NO ONE in the ER. Waiting room was empty, and after checking in and going through triage, we were immediately taken back to a room to be evaluated by the medical staff. Her urinalysis was negative and the blood work was inconclusive, and so a sonogram was ordered. It indicated no abnormalities with the reproductive organs, so a CT scan was ordered. The CT scan showed an appendicitis, which hadn't ruptured yet, thank goodness. The surgeon came in for a consultation and by 7:00 pm she was on the operating table. We had gotten to the ER at 1:30 pm.

My whole perspective has changed. I am thankful for the (very) quick meal I had for lunch. I'm thankful I got to watch football all afternoon and evening in the ER and waiting room. I'm thankful for my family and Jenn's mom who kept me company during the surgery (or I kept her company). I'm thankful for all of our friends that sent awesome messages via facebook and text messaging. But you want to know the thing that stuck out to me the most? As Jenn was being wheeled into the OR, we held hands and had a chance to pray together. It was short and to the point. When we said amen, everyone in the area had stopped, and the nurse pushing Jenn's bed said "amen" with us. At that point I knew. I knew the Lord was watching over us. The Lord still cared, and my wife, my babydoll, was in His hands. He orchestrated the whole day. This certainly wasn't the day that I asked for or what I initially wanted, but somehow this was apart of His plan. How can I complain about my awesome and incredible Jesus? How can I be saddened that MY plans didn't pan out? How can I in any way question God? His ways are so much higher than my ways. His thoughts are so much higher than my thoughts.

The day after the surgery, Jenn told me that God spoke to her. He told her to "Slow down." She's been working non-stop on her jewelry business. It's been good for the business, but tough on all of us. The Lord was getting her attention, just like when he got mine when I had my accident. His exact words to me, even before my car slowed down were, "Mark, you need to slow down." It was perfectly clear. He's getting our attention, He's calling our name, and He's wanting us to slow down. "Mark and Jenn, you need to slow down. Listen to my voice. And have a clarity of perspective." What am I absolutely thankful for this year? My God. He saved my wife from further harm and He called our names, again. 

"I am yours, Lord. Do with me whatever you choose."

Economic Game Theory

We are all presented with choices and the tendency is to focus on the self and gratifying the selfish desire. The Lord has been teaching me to think of others first, but it's just so contradictory to the natural man. My context as an only child only deepened my selfish ambitions. When I started dating Jennifer (she's the only girl that I seriously dated) it quickly dawned on me that I am inherently full of self. Learning to think of her and then to think more highly of her was a difficult journey. To say that I'm still on the journey is an accurate assessment of my current position. The Lord keeps speaking to me though and I want to instill in my children certain values and close to the top of that list is "otherness." Learning to think of others, serve others, and to see through other's eyes. I want my children to be like Christ, and take the lowly road as needed.

I know the following dialog that I had with Mady is considered economic game theory, but I put Madalyn through a test to address her perspective.

She helped out at MCC today with Operation Christmas Child and she ran some "boring" errands with me to the bank and the post office. I stopped off at the gas station to fill up our SUV and she asked me for some "Bug Juice." It's this very sweet, sugary drink that's like Kool-Aid on steroids. The kids love them and our local gas station carries them. They are a special treat for the kids. I decided to teach Mady a lesson.

I told her that she could have the Bug Juice if she was willing to give 2/3 of her juice to Sam and Hannah. She didn't like this idea at all. She said she wanted her own juice and she wanted all of it. I went on to explain that she would still get quite a bit of juice, but the right decision would also benefit Sam and Hannah, as they would be recipients of Bug Juice. She told me she wanted her own drink. I told her that my was my offer and it was final, and as I closed the truck door, I told her to think about it, and let me know her decision. If she wasn't willing to share, I wasn't willing to get her a juice at all.

After about 30 seconds, she opened up the door and said that she wanted to share. I told her that I was proud of her, and her decision not only blessed her, but also blessed her brother and sister. When we went in, I actually got 2 juices for them (they're pretty small) explaining that God blesses those that seek to bless others. When we got home, her brother and sister were ecstatic that they got some. I had them all sit down and I explained that because Mady was willing to share, even though she got a little less, they were the recipients of her selflessness. 

"Lord, continue to help me think of others, like Christ did." 

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 1 Peter 4:10

Trip planned and update

I continue to be amazed at the goodness of God. Jennifer and I have been asking for confirmation regarding God's timing. We heard back from BMI and it looks as though I will be heading to SA Feb 14-26. I have been granted time off from work. I'm very excited about the trip and asking the Lord for confirmation on His will. If he wants us to move there, we are willing. If he wants us to stay, we will stay. But we are certainly sensing the call of God. If we don't go, who will? It's been 10 years since Meadowbrook Community Church has sent out a full time career missionary. If we don't go, who will? If God has spoken to us, and he has, what objections can I have? Life is too short, we only live once and we want our life to matter. It certainly has significance here in Champaign, and we are involved in many ministries, but at this point, we now consider them preparatory work for the missions field. Not everyone is called, but if you are...go.

My shoulder continues to progress rapidly. I have the "Big Bertha" sling off now and I started Physical Therapy at the Carle North Annex last Monday. Initially, they indicated that I would be in PT several times a week along with my daily exercises, for a solid year. Based on my rapid progression, I've been down-graded to about a 6-7 month full release. We thank the Lord for what He is doing. 

If things go as we expect them to go in February, let the whirlwind begin. I think I'll be most saddened about selling my home. It's where our kids have grown up. I've put my blood, sweat and tears into that home. But alas, brick and mortar can easily be replaced. Besides, as I told Mady last week, it's not the house that makes a home, it's the family who lives there. Certainly I will miss our friends and family, but at least we can stay in touch with them electronically and visit each year. Please pray for us, we will have a large annual budget to fund-raise. I've been reading a lot on the subject recently. I'm actually praying that the Lord helps us to raise the funds in 100 days. It's a lofty goal, but I'm a goal-oriented individual and I'm up to the challenge.