Lessons from across the pond (posted by Jenn)

(I wrote this post for our most recent update letter regarding our first 3 months in South Africa.  If you would like to be added to our email list to get our updates, let me know.)  

When asked if I would write about a few of the moments that specifically touched me through these past 3 months, I had to pause.  That's a difficult question... so many people, so many events, so many things have touched my heart while living in South Africa.  I have made what I know will be life-long friendships.  I've seen things that I never imagined seeing in my lifetime.  I've been a part of something much bigger than myself.  I've been blessed.

I left America with no idea of what this next adventure would be like.  I had never been to South Africa - only seen pictures.  I felt very much like Abraham must have felt... packing up and heading to a country that he didn't know.  But, as did with Abraham, my faith grew tremendously during this time.  I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be a part of the ministry that is happening in South Africa.  I'm so thankful that I've been able to experience all that I have so far.  I'm thankful to be a changed person.

I'm blessed to have been able to meet a sweet little girl at the Children's Home in our area.  I felt drawn to her the first time I saw her.  We played, hand in hand, the whole time I was there, even though she didn't speak a word of English.  She changed me.  She has a piece of my heart.  I learned that she is very sick and that breaks my heart.  I'm looking forward to the visit where I can see her again and whisper to her, once again, while sitting on the swing, that "Jesus loves you and so do I.  Very much."

 I'm beyond grateful for the opportunity to be able to teach at the country school down the tar road from us.  I was quite nervous the first time I stepped in the school, but now I dislike leaving those sweet children.  I love teaching them the love of Christ right along with a dose of English.  They are beautiful.  They are so loved.  Every.  Single.  One.  Of.  Them.  In all actuality, they are teaching me MUCH more than I could ever teach them.  They have melted my heart with sweet conversations, hugs, contagious smiles, and letters calling me "mom."  I'm much more than a teacher to them... I'm Jesus.  And I am privileged to spend every second I can with them. 

I'm honored to be around the beautiful children at Lighthouse Christian Church multiple days each week.  I love the hugs, the high-fives, cool handshakes and finger snaps that I get every time we are there.  I love seeing the children run to our truck as we pull into the church.  I love hearing them yell for us as we leave.  I love holding the little ones when they can't sit through church.  I love picking up the ones who have fallen down and scraped a knee.  I love praying with the older kids who are feeling hurt or discouraged.  I love talking with them - learning about their lives.  I love watching my children love on them - and vice versa.  I love them.  All of them.  Every single precious child who walks through the gate.  They are part of my family.  We are all a part of God's family.  

Over the past couple of months, I've grown especially close to a small group of girls ages 13-14.  I'm digging into their lives, praying with them, loving on them, teaching them about God's unconditional love... But, like I said before, they are teaching me much more.  They've become "my girls."  I'm so thankful that they trust me enough to pour out their lives to me, and in turn I have the great privilege of sharing love, life and truth with them.  The letters they have written to me will be something that I cherish forever.  Leaving was much harder than I had imagined.  The impact that they have had on me I can assure you is much bigger than the one I hope I can have on them.  The light that shines through these girls is incredible considering the circumstances that they deal with on a daily basis.  God is at work and my heart is full.  I will continue to encourage them, uplift them, and pray with them as we move forward.  I'm looking forward to very BIG hugs when we get back to South Africa. 

My heart is for the children of South Africa - the orphans, the vulnerable children.  All of them.  When I think about what has most impacted me while I was there, it was by far the ministry, the children.  I'm honored to be in South Africa serving the Lord by loving on His children.  Those hugs, those amazing smiles, those tears from those sweet children remind me that i's all worth it.  

Giving up everything to serve Jesus is worth it.  Completely worth it.  

Pray for me: I finally broke down and went to AA

A friend of mine has found going to AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings extremely beneficial. They have said on several occasions that I should come along sometime. They wanted me to meet their friends and be introduced to the support group. There was a special speaker speaking recently, so I broke down and went. What I didn't realize is that I needed AA more than I was willing to acknowledge.

Up until recently, I had a certain perspective on support groups like AA, NA (narcotics anonymous), M.A.D., DARE etc. I believed that these groups were just coping mechanisms that over looked the greater need (that being Jesus). I was being judgmental at best. The more I heard my friend talk, the more I recognized that AA has some inherent benefits. I learned that people still attend these meetings even after being sober 20 years. My immediate response was "why would someone go to AA after being sober for 20 years?" The response was not what I expected. My friend said, "We need the accountability and don't want to relapse." Interesting. My friend really wanted me to attend an open AA meeting, so I tagged along.

I arrived with a half-hearted expectation to my first meeting. What I saw I didn't expect. There were about 30 people sitting around the room that looked and acted absolutely normal. These folks were hard working students, professionals, grandparents, and moms with their children. Where were the "downs and outs" giving AA a last ditch effort to escape the indwelling demons? Where were the sob stories and unbelievable situations? Where was the hopeless and helpless looking for a handout? The folks that I saw were well-dressed good looking guys and gals. They welcomed me with open arms and served up a good cup of coffee. I sat down a little uncomfortable as a realization came over me. These people were successful at conquering their issue at hand. Almost everyone in the room from what I could tell had been sober for months, most of them years. They were a success! I was the one that needed AA and I wasn't willing to admit it.

You see, I don't deal with an alcohol or drug addiction. I don't struggle with pornography and I have a thriving marriage. I'm not unemployed and I don't need a recovery program for re-entry into society after a period behind bars. I don't lie, cheat or gamble and I've never been to a strip club. Horror movies are scary to me and I don't own a gun, they're loud. I love my whole family, Jesus, apple pie and football. But I need help. I need an AA type meeting in my life. I need support. I need accountability. After I thought about AA and what it means, I've come to realize that I think we all need an AA type meeting. We all need a support group or small group or whatever you want to call it. We all have struggles. We all are on the road to recovery. We all struggle with our own demons. Some are external, some are internal. Pride, love of money, being a workaholic, insecurity, lack of focus, laziness to name a few. I will never again judge someone who nervously tells me that they've started going to an AA type meeting. Quite the opposite. I will celebrate them. I will encourage them and give them a man hug. Yes they need Jesus, but they are going in a positive direction. They've acknowledged their problem, realized they can't do it themselves and have taken a big, bold, courageous step in the right direction. Some people are completely liberated from an addiction the moment they encounter Jesus but come to realize there are still other issues they struggle with as time goes by. Accountability is a beautiful thing. Many issues need to be addressed and repented of as sin, but after this, how do we help prevent a relapse?

I don't deal with the afore mentioned issues, but I have a big struggle. One that continues to creep up and I've gone to counseling for it, even taken medication for it. Many people don't know this about me. It's not something I would normally go public with on social media, but I'm willing to now, thanks to my first AA meeting.

My name's Mark and I'm a fear-aholic. 

I deal with fear. The littlest things trigger a fear mechanism in me, especially when it comes to my health and the possibility of not being there for my kids and wife down the road. I'm thankful for friends who have prayed with me, encouraged me and helped me the past 5 years. 2 Timothy 1:7 says "The Lord hasn't given ME a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind." The SPIRIT of fear is real and I've commanded that spirit by the blood of Jesus out of my life continually. And I claim this verse almost on a daily basis and I've prayed. My wife has prayed. But I need to take the next step.

There I've said it. I've nervously shared with you a vulnerable part about me. It's actually been quite liberating. I could care less if people look at me with a sideways glance now. I could care less if people judge me for not being perfect. I promise to not do the same with them. We all know we all have struggles. I'm taking my own bold step in a positive direction. I can't do it on my own. I'm looking forward to 20 years of freedom from fear, but for now, I'll start with the next 24 hours.

Now, who's courageous enough to join my small group?