It's not easy for me to go public with this announcement. I guess when you become vulnerable, it can get tricky. There comes a point where we all need to come clean. But how will people respond? What will the longterm affects be? Am I making the wrong choice? I'm sure you've been in a situation like that, but maybe not with an announcement that has this many ramifications.
I've done a lot of contemplation recently. I've talked to a lot of people and I think I'm finally to the point to go public. The Bible tells me what to do. I need to be obedient and step up to the plate and pull up my big boy pants. I've already had open dialog with Jenn about this. She's in agreement and we'll get through this...together. We'll be stronger in the end. It really is for the better.
I'm publicly acknowledging that I've been dating other people.
Before you judge, please read on. Hear my heart. Maybe you won't make the same choices I have in the past. I let things go in the past, for far too long. I became complacent, apathetic and the burdens of life impacted my decision-making. Weariness can lead to a lot of poor decisions. I didn't spend enough time focusing on "Soul Health" and things sorta slipped away. Not overnight, mind you, but over time. After a while I got sick and tired of being who I was. I looked for other things of importance and I left the most valuable things and chased after a plastic masquerade.
See, things aren't always as they appear. I've not been real open with my struggles. I've hinted. I've beat around the bush. The fact is, it's hard for me to even type these words.
In a moment of desperation, I gave up. I surrendered and I gave in. To do something I've never done before. I started to date other people. And it's been one of the greatest decisions I've ever made.
You see, I believe the Bible teaches that I CAN date people, even though I'm married. And my wife encourages these kind of relationships. You see, I started dating Mady, Sam and Hannah. Yup. My 3 kiddos.
I've never dated my kids before and it's been awesome.
We now have every Monday night set aside for date nights. Hannah gets a Monday. Sam gets the next one. Mady gets the next. Mom gets the fourth Monday but then we still go out for dates other times in the month too.
Men, let me challenge you: date your kids! They want to spend one-on-one time with their Daddy. They are starved for intimate time with Dad. They love to hear stories and they want to know how your day has gone. I've put together a list for us Dads. Please follow them.
1. Oh my goodness, don't you dare! Don't you dare even bring your cellphone! Are you kidding me? Leave it at home. What if someone dies? You'll find out about it when you get home. Talk with your spouse and find out before you go if there's ANYTHING she needs before you leave. You'll only be gone an hour or two. The world will not stop while you are away. Remember when we were kids? I had a rotary phone - with a cord! No cell phones. No internet. I didn't even have a VCR until I was in the 3rd grade. For crying out loud, don't you dare bring your cell phone. This time is for you and your son or daughter. Don't deprive them (and really disrespect them) by looking at your phone during your date.
2. Do schedule your monthly dates on your phone - with a reminder/alert. I schedule every other important meeting in my life, what could possibly be more important than my Monday night dates with my kids? And I don't reschedule them either. Someone important wants to get together? "Sorry, I'm getting together with my princess on Monday night. How about Tuesday?"
3. Oh my word, don't be lame. Don't go to McDonald's every week. Don't go to a movie. You know what we live by? YOLO! We snuck onto the football field on campus and rode our bikes. We looked for snakes out at the State Park. We practiced "hula-hooping" in Walgreens and then returned them to the shelf. We ate Snickers bars without telling the siblings. We ate popcorn for dinner. We went to the park and I talked in a high pitched girl voice the whole time. One of these days, we'll go out and get a hotel room - because we can. One day, we'll go the airport with no bags and buy an airline ticket to somewhere on the spot (have to save up for that one). I'd love to go TP the neighbors or buy flowers for someone at the nursing home. YOLO people. You know know why? They grow up. And they grow up fast.
4. Ask them questions. Start "training them up." I recently asked Mady on an outing if she knew how to share the gospel? She got about half of it right and I helped fill in the gaps. At dinner each night we ask what the best part of each of their days was. And then we ask what their least favorite part of the day was. We pray with each of them individually before they go to bed each night. But our date nights are/will be special. Don't sit quietly. Ask them about the books they've read. About their friends. What are they scared of? How YOU can be a better Dad. Ask questions and listen...and take notes.
5. Enjoy the time with your kids. How many times have we heard (or maybe have said) "They grow up so fast!" Well, it's true. I have an 8 year old and twin 6 year olds. I have about 10 years with Mady left and 12 years with the twins. That's about 500 dates with Mady if my math is right. Maybe your son or daughter is 16 or 17 and they'll be off to college in just a few short years (gulp). Now is the time to start. The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is today.
I've started dating other people...and I like it. I've gone public with this announcement not so much for you...but for me. To keep me accountable. So, the next time you see me, ask to get together on a Monday night and see what my response is. It had better be, "I'm spending time with a prince or a princess."
