Finding my daughter...

Mady at Ripple Pond with Magic Island and the "Hornet House" in the distance

It's been dawning on me the last several months that I've never really gotten to know my eldest daughter Mady. I know about her (I know her favorite color is purple, her favorite princess is Belle, and that she's shy but very perceptive). I know about her, but do I really KNOW her? Similar to a favorite athlete or actor...we can know all about them, but we don't really know them. We know all of their stats or the timeline of movies they've been in. We know about their spouses, their vices in life and where they live, but we don't really know them personally. Some would say this about Jesus. 

Almost everyday, I ask Mady if she wants to go on a bike ride with me. And everyday we ride less, but talk more. She's starting to open up to me. She's told me things that I had no idea she was thinking. I've been pleasantly surprised about some things. Other things have been a little alarming, but that's ok. She's growing and learning and becoming her own person. 

This is a message to Dads out there. Maybe you have daughters, maybe you have sons. Here's what I've learned riding bikes with my 7 year old on the back stretch of a safari breeding ground in South Africa. 

1. Dad, your kids have an awesome imagination. Learn to imagine with them. I'm doing a 6-part series right now about "Heaven" in our children's ministry. How would YOU teach on heaven? You open the Scriptures and teach, but then you have to encourage them to dream, to imagine and to let their minds soar. Those who are excited about heaven start living for heaven. Mady and I always stop at this large pond (she named it "Ripple Pond," a great name) and we throw rocks from the waters edge. We've named the island "Magic Island" in the middle of Ripple Pond. She talks about fairies, and the "Hornet House" that's across the pond where we got swarmed by hornets when we went exploring. We feed the fairies and launch pieces of wood for boats for them to ride on. Some days we just sit on the dock and make up stuff. Imagine with your kids...their minds are alive with imagination. It will unite you together in ways you could never imagine.

2. Dads, never be scared to ask your children questions. "Mady, how does God want to use you here in Africa?" "I don't know, I'm only 7." "Oh baby girl, God has an AMAZING plan for your life!" "But you and mom are the missionaries, I'm not." "Yes you are babe. You can go up to little boys and girls who are sad or sick and offer to pray for them." "I can? But I would be scared." "I know, pretty girl, but God tell us in Joshua 1:9 "don't be scared or discouraged. And I will be with you and I'll never leave you." "God will help me not be scared?" "Yes babe." "Ok Daddy." At this point, I almost couldn't speak because of emotions. She honestly thought that God couldn't use her, that he called Jenn and I to Africa, but not her. Dad, it's your responsibility to teach your children! You have a calling, the highest calling to train up your children in the way they should go. Mady has heard literally 100's of my messages throughout the years, but until today, it never clicked for her. You can't depend on a sunday school teacher or pastor to spiritually train your children. There is just simply no replacement for a loving, caring, intentional parent.

3. Dads, you need to spend more than just an hour a week or a date night per month with your daughters and sons. I spend quality, intentional time with Mady each day (Sam and Hannah get quality time too). It took a few weeks, but she's starting to open up now. The first day riding, all we did was ride. The second day, she started opening up. Now, we have open communication. It's never too early (or too late) to start these dialogues. I didn't really start having these open dialogues with my dad until I was in my 20's and 30's, but I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world now. Mady doesn't care how much I know until she knows how much I care.

4. Dads, don't rush things. Sometimes, we walk more than we ride. The goal is not a 4 mile bike ride. The goal is not to finish in record time. The goal is relational growth. (When we get back to the house, I drop her off and go out for a quick 10 km ride for my exercise). Don't push them. We have years to encourage, strengthen and edify them. If Mady is scared to film a video about talking to boys and girls about Jesus, DON'T PUSH! She'll come around, but today she just wants to learn how to skip rocks in Ripple Pond. Dad, your daughter is fragile, she's tender. Treat her like a princess and she'll grow up to adore the king. 

I've had a gut check. A perspective check. A heart check. I can minister to 200 3-15 year olds on a Sunday morning and keep them spellbound for an hour and a half, but if I don't minister to my own 3 children, I've lost. I've lost the battle. I've lost the war. Turn off the TV (easy for me to say, we don't have one), power off the cell phone (oh my word, DON'T take it on your daddy/daughter date. Are you kidding me? What could POSSIBLY be MORE IMPORTANT than those precious eyes that adore you?) How about instead of surfing the internet, you go find a big box, cut some windows and doors in it, color and decorate it, and then take your daughter to the store, buy a new Barbie, go back home, and lay on the floor and dream and imagine with her about the prince coming to save the princess? You'll never regret one second of this priceless time. Be intentional Dad and she'll come to you for every step of this crazy journey we call life. 

PS. By the way, thanks to my amazing wife for encouraging me to spend more time with the kids. This pains me to say it, but she was right...